speak out the crayolas

I have done the trendy thing...

2012-01-01T13:48:00.002+13:00

and embraced Tumblr. Enter my sparkly world...

I'll probably still blog here, however- as I'm too stupid to use Tumblr to its full potential.

My rent money was stolen!

2011-12-30T16:22:00.002+13:00

For FUCK'S sake! I was stupid to leave it in my car, but it was in an envelope... It just disappeared when I went in to the gas station. Almost $600. Gone. Fuck- fortunately my landlord and I have had a talk and I'll be able to pay off this month's rent in instalments over the next few months- but with interest! Fucking thief. I hope he overdoses on the drugs he buys with my money...

Christmas was wonderful!

2011-12-28T13:27:00.000+13:00

I happily stuffed my festive gob with such treats as smoked mussels, paua, crayfish, smoked salmon, prawns and raw fish with lime and coconut. Christmas in New Zealand always rules, we have lovely seafood. And lovely weather, even though I deplore the heat and the inevitable sunburn that comes to my terribly white skin. Why can't I have melanin like a normal person? Sunburnt ears are almost as bad as sunburnt feet...

Even though the world is going to hell in a handbasket. How can I resist the temptation to simply gobble at the trough for a few days? to hang out with family and friends. to simply forget about all the fundie freaks who are jostling to take away our rights. But they're always trying to do that... So much hatred around. Why can't we all relax, stuff our faces with food, drink our eggnog, at least LIKE one another- and to hell with the moaners, begrudgers and fuckwits that so inexplicably populate this gorgeous world of ours.

more shakes today...

2011-12-23T18:02:00.003+13:00

More shakes. More frights. More damage- but luckily no deaths. When will this end? Most of us have just had to learn how to put up with it.

Personally I'm at the stage where I can sort of shake off my initial fright and go about my daily business. However that does depend on where I am at the time. If I'm among shelves with things on them- that really scares crap out of me. Today when that happened I just stood there like an idiot, mouth agape- much of my kitchen crashing onto the floor. I've just spent several hours cleaning it all up. But thank God nothing valuable was broken- I still have power, water and internet! which cannot be said for all the poor souls affected by this- unrelenting blitz of earthquakes!

Jagged living/ photos of Vege Living.

2011-12-21T22:18:00.004+13:00

It's like the jagged pieces of (past) stupid ways of life are settling into my brain. Stupid self-obsession. Stupid drug abuse. Stupid firstworld problems! My mind is constantly, constantly, constantly reminding me of how stupid I am- by bombarding me with terrible memories. All I can do to drown them out is through physical exertion- at the moment, my physical exertion is tied in with my efforts in the vegetable garden.

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas...

2011-12-21T21:08:00.003+13:00

All the bustle and worry has arrived. Everyone wears a tense and slightly peevish expression. The shopping malls are absolutely STUFFED with the human cattle. Trees, candy canes, Santas, reindeer antlers and other foolish jewjaws have infected the city just like the dreaded smallpox. But more than anything else? The music. The same damn songs all the time. These same, same, same songs are mostly sung by singers who sound like a kid playing a dodgy oboe. Whenever I hear "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" I begin to yearn for the quiet of the tomb.

On top of all this we have stressful family get-togethers. While it is REALLY nice to spend time with family- at Christmas there are always quarrels. Especially if you have family members who are the type that views Christmas as a competitive sport. It would be much nicer to get together with family without all the stress. that goes into Christmas.

I hate all the glitz, all the trimmings and all the expensive nonsense that. they try to persuade you that you need- otherwise Christmas at your home won't be Christmas. What's important (to me) is the time you spend together... at this time... I will admit that Christmas Day at the beach with family & friends. that's my idea of heaven.

The Gag.

2011-12-17T20:26:00.002+13:00

Write something meaningful. Write something meaningful.

The most ironic thing about the technological revolution. Actually it is the point of every revolution that has ever occurred. The intention has been to give everyone a voice, to create a truly democratic online forum in which everyone can speak and be heard...

This is true. Everyone is speaking. But is everyone being heard? It seems to me that the public has been thrown a scrappy bone. Here's your place to speak. Speak! You have spoken. Now do be satisfied and shut up...

It is like the fact that all may vote. On paper- we've got all the rights, all the chance to speak and be spoken for. But in reality?

In reality the people are still voiceless and without power to change the system. In reality we are drugged. Our coffee, our internet, our vehicles and our jobs... are forming a cacophony of impressions and concerns that drown out. they drown out the consciousness we have of the deep and savage wrongness that is endemic on our worlds. No amount of talk and chatter... can hide the fact that the great golden fruit is rotten inside.

What can we do? mass slaughter has been embarked upon in the name of certain ideals. ideals... I will never, ever believe that any thought. any government. any system is the right one. WHY is it that so many people think they have the answer? people have been trying for millions of years to have the Answer. and noone has found it yet.

=======

I wonder if the dead can hear our thoughts. Yes, it is a stupid thing to think. What keeps me thinking about it... well. I've known such complex, vibrant, pervasive personalities belonging to those who are now dead. I cannot fathom the fact that these people are gone- completely and utterly. Now I understand why people like my aunt have a strongly structured spiritual ideology. It must be a comfort to believe- totally and fully- that someone is definitely in heaven or purgatory. accessible by certain prayers. Yet I cannot believe... but I also cannot believe that Jacqui is gone, fully totally and wholly.

Look at what she left me! Because I am a reader... and she was too. Because I am a collector of Things. and so was she. She bought this in Germany in the late 50s when her husband was stationed there:

It was terribly sad, going all the way to the USA and having no Jacqui to spend time with.

To whiten her teeth and outflash Helen Arhone...

2011-12-17T17:40:00.002+13:00

Being away for 20 days. I came home and found my vegetable garden in a giant frenzy of weed. Trying to fend off tiredness I have been working hard to clear the weeds. I know it seems like nothing to write about but. now I am the proud possessor of big blisters on my hands. and yes I am proud of these blisters, they indicate I've done a lot of work. although it means I can't do much gardening for the next couple of days...

This is what I really wanted to post about. She ^^^^^ most extraordinary pianist that I have come across. in a long time. certain etudes that she perfomed- especially rachs- I would have been convinced that the recorder had been sped up. if I didn't sort-of know otherwise.

Mr. Mr helped me with my garden. he makes fun of me for my garden obsession... but he happily eats the produce. he's a thundering great clown sometimes but he suits me just fine.

Head shaped like a peanut.

2011-12-16T14:51:00.002+13:00

I'm still feeling strange from all the travelling. As soon as I sit down and do nothing for awhile, I get real uuuuuuhhh the feeling of complete exhaustion. But- I get up and get moving, it seems to chase off the tiredness a bit. But THEN you reach the point when ALL you want to do is crawl under the covers and sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

====

Look at all the information we have at our fingertips... why is it that not enough people make use of it. They create the illusion of freedom- but in actuality we've been cheated out of freedom. A rigid status quo has been enforced on us from birth. Freedom of speech... yes, everyone can speak their opinion. The places where people exchange ideas and opinions... I compare them to a room full of orators, most of them talking but none of them listening. This superflux of voices- it makes it impossible to understand any of them.

Could we ever hope for anything better than this- our failed society?

I'm BAAACK!

2011-12-13T16:13:00.002+13:00

Oh my goodness it seems like a million years ago. that I was leaving DC... It was a rough journey but not as bad as it HAS been. I made all my connections! but United just sucks... Struggling with their rather primitive self-check-in machines (NOT out of choice, but because the staff wouldn't deal with us until we'd TRIED to use that machine). UGH but really how could I complain. Apart from the fact I spent ages stabbing at that stupid touchscreen and then had to wait ages for a HUMAN to help me... because I was travelling on a foreign passport. the stupid thing wouldn't work. I use the NZ passport to get back to NZ and my US passport to get to the US- because I have both. Scare NZ helps you and holds your hand. However- with an economy ticket on United, you're damn well on your own.

Scare NZ is my phrase for Air New Zealand. The lovely cushy airline that thankfully took me from San Fran to Auckland. then from Auckland to Earthquake City. I still remember my journey from Auckland to LA in 1994 with United. with the deepest, deepest horror.

I guess it wasn't so bad. apart from the fact that I had a ton weight to carry and more bags than I was really allowed... I was lucky that they didn't make me check my extra bags. I used a massive 80L backpack which was interesting. Got onto the little Scarebus and couldn't get down the aisle lol because of my combat boots dangling from each side. Slung the boots around my neck and slogged on. I carried about 18 good sized books. a change of clothes. two winter coats. my travel toiletries. my laptop, assorted laptop gear (portable speakers, drawing tablet, cables, mouse, webcam & the like). my kindle, mp3 player, camera several packets of socks, a giant salad sandwich, a bottle of water and... I think that was all? but of course there was my passport boarding passes wallet and a pair of baby sized gumboots. I guess I'm lucky that I didn't have my phone with me.

I can't find my phone!

Luckily I got to Christchurch in one piece. But oh dear lord... First we had to pick up my crazy aunt. Had crazy times with her. Then... well it seems that my parents' car is dying. It is a little 1300cc 1993 Corolla hatchback. It couldn't make it up the hill- we all tried to drive it up, without success. So we took out ALL of the gear and CARRIED it up the hill. to relieve the car of some of the weight. Luckily there is only one hill. Had to go up and down a couple of times to get all of the gear up- which was hard work. But ohhh the car is going pop-pop-pop, spewing blue smoke and generally not acting healthy. I just hope Mum and Dad made it home okay...

Back to Noo Zild...

2011-12-12T04:30:00.001+13:00

Yes. I fly back today via San Francisco. It is about 6 hours from Dulles to San Fran, about 12 from San Fran to Auckland. then about an hour from Auckland to Christchurch. It is a long journey but not nearly as long as that to Europe...

I'm really upset about this. Why can't my family live in New Zealand? They'd like it there- even if Linda couldn't easily buy the fancy diamonds that she likes. I'm afraid that I won't see Glen or Grandma ever ever again. They're both really sick and frail. Why? I tried so hard to show them that I love them. It's not just enough to say it... The best way I could demonstrate my feelings? by sitting on the floor and leaning my head against their respective wheelchairs.

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate this so much.

War Drobe

2011-12-10T09:07:00.001+13:00

How gorgeous is this cardigan? I'm in love with it. that mist on my webcam is most flattering : P

(R)

Give Grandma her beer!

2011-12-09T15:27:00.001+13:00

I'm getting fucked off.

Grandma pays $1500 a month or something to live in this nursing home... I mean, it LOOKS nice and all. Her care manager is a lovely lady so no complaints there. But honestly...

They have beer on the dinner menu and Grandma loves beer. But every single night that I've been there- Grandma orders a beer. And they always say they don't have it or they serve her WINE. now that sounds OK but Grandma just hates wine. I don't blame her, they serve that horrible cheap cask shit. She's 87 and pays a lot of money to live there, I think they could serve her a cold glass of beer when she orders it. Not lots of beer or even good beer... She'd be happy with a small glass of Coors. Because of her dementia her short term memory is shot so she can't really remember that she didn't get a beer yesterday or whatever. It's sneaky really, I guess they figure they can cut costs in this way. I don't see any of the other oldies drinking beer, only occasionally that dreadful cask wine.

I'm going to complain. I'm going to raise holy bloody hell until I know (and hear, after I get back to NZ) that Grandma is getting at least a LITTLE bit of beer with her meal. At her age I think she's earned it and I'll feel happy thinking I've done at least one decent thing for her.

Last night...

2011-12-08T03:23:00.001+13:00

I ate cheese pizza and wished heartily I had my own set of wheels. I could have zoomed around enjoying the awesome beauty of Leesburg's many McMansions. Leesburg is so weird... it just keeps getting snootier and snootier but thankfully it seems to retain many of its more human elements : P. Oh the cheese pizza with people was not quite so bad, the conversation was entertaining... Oh! and some lady dropped her phone in the toilet. I know I shouldn't laugh but schadenfreude rules... it iz ze zecret of reality TV.

what's up with this... it was just an impression but people agreed with me. So many people in Northern VA are dirty lousy rotten stinking rich with money but they can't enjoy it. They're all working 80-hour weeks. They can't enjoy their mansions and their Mustangs and giant GMC pickups see nothing but gridlock traffic in rush hour traffic. So I guess I'm thankful to be quite poor- with an ancient car and no television. but with enough time and energy to grow a vegetable garden and create the occasional batch of bagels or ciabatta bread.

Virginia.

2011-12-06T16:10:00.001+13:00

The malls, the subdivisions, the business parks and the concretions of automotive mayhem. Oh they're certainly having their day! making their sordid little incursions.

Maybe I'm an optimist, but I feel that these regrettable Things will never obscure the true majesty of this place. The forests and the hills, the rivers and the bays. they all seem so full of Something. Something that I really like. I guess it is something poetic. but when I try to be poetic it sounds so dicky.

T.S Eliot's poem Virginia certainly cuts the mustard when it so gnarly-like refers to the place...

====

I am so frightened for our future. But then again I reassure myself that shit has always happened and always will... Human society is irretrievably shitty! until we knock the whole sordid structure over and finally become humans instead of blobs topped with atrophied brains- which are brains only, not minds!

Ai ai ai ai ai

2011-12-06T13:25:00.001+13:00

My Dad persuaded me to come to lunch with him and a few of his old friends... Terrible idea. They didn't want me there and I couldn't tolerate their HORRIBLE bigotry. I was absolutely enraged but managed not to say a word. Dad was pretty uncomfortable too. According to them- everything bad is the fault of Hispanics, blacks, "queers", "Mooslems", "Orientals" and Obama.

It was So. Hard. Not. To. scream... I signaled my disapproval by staring stonily into space, by not saying a single word... I don't believe in arguing with these people. They're bloody well beyond help.

I would like to force all of the racists and bigots to live together on a remote island. They'll be happy because they'll all agree. and I'll be happy because I won't have to listen to the obscene nonsense that comes from their mouths!

An awful occurence...

2011-12-05T19:23:00.001+13:00

which I will not share with the world on Facebook, but only with those who slog through this blog : P

Gramma had a fall. Which, at her age, is frightening... Her wheelchair slipped as my dad and my uncle were helping her down some steps. She shot out of the wheelchair, cracked her head on a concrete step. Uncle Mike kinda fell on top of her and she ended up with a few cracked ribs. Nothing too serious but by God it was frightening! I especially freaked out as I saw her head was bleeding quite badly. But she was conscious, knew who we all were.

They are worried about her cracked ribs affecting her breathing- there is a risk of pneumonia. She's been really brave and strong through the whole thing, I'm proud of her.

All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a Tab!

2011-12-05T04:57:00.001+13:00

gnarliness. I haven't had Tab since about 1991... of course we don't have it in the land of the wrong white crowd.

I'm hiding from Stupid Sunday Football. Honestly I should be sucking it up and watching the football to visit with my family but it is UNBEARABLE.

I wanted to KILL this woman.

2011-12-04T14:14:00.001+13:00

not maybe kill, but I definitely wish I had the gall to tell her to bloody well fuck off.

First she said OMG I love your hat. Which was nice... then she wanted to sell me a bracelet. I made the excuse that my wrists were too large.

She immediately grabbed me by the wrists and said "O GOD YOUR WRISTS ARE HUUGE" uh... Oh yeah, but that's not everything. Then she grabbed me by the waist. Please. No touchy! I am not a person who likes to be touched by strangers.

I am well aware that my wrists are large. But in what universe is it okay to grab a COMPLETE STRANGER around the waist? by the wrists!?! by the waist though, that was seriously the worst.

You know what she said? "You're of PEASANT STOCK!! CHILDBIRTH WILL BE REALLY EASY FOR YOU!! BUT OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE YOUR HAT!!"

Was she trying to insult me because I didn't want to buy that ugly bracelet? And... peasant stock? really? childbirth? oh my God. I know some people are just like that... it's like those people who feel they need to tell you that they "...had the shits last week".

I can't work out what universe she was coming from. I really wanted to fix her with the death-glare from hell and tell her to get the fuck away from me before I screamed. But no... I am just too nice.

Please not to be touching the kiwi kid in the "cute tam". Please especially not to be grabbing her wrists and then her waist. Please never, ever, ever do that again.

What a million filaments/ the peanut crunching crowd/ shoves in to see...

2011-11-30T10:53:00.001+13:00

I went to the dentist because my tooth is hurting like a bitch. Oh God, I need a root canal. How much does that suck?

It sucks very much.

But thank God I can get a temporary one done until I get back home to new zealand... well... I would like to get it done here in the States actually. but I don't know if my insurance will cover it. Dental care in the States just seems to be better... but much more expensive!

I can go home and get it done for next to nothing, so long as I can wait a few months. Which I can do. But really? it seems that my old amalgam fillings are starting to crumble and leak from being so old and crummy. as my earlier dental work has caused me lots of trouble in later years. But as all of my dental care was free until I was eighteen I guess I can't complain too much.

Actually I can't blame the school dental nurse. All I can blame is my continuing addiction to soft drinks and my habit of eating lollies in the small hours of the night.

I'm going to cut the crap from my diet. I'm sick of being pale, flabby and shapeless with a jiggling arse.

Is that all he can come up with/ that rattler of keys?

2011-11-30T03:16:00.001+13:00

Living in a houseful of conservative ultra-Catholic Republicans is kinda stressful at times. I get all of these Looks because I don't go to church, I forget to say grace at meals (they even say grace at the donut shop!). They wanted to look at my Kindle and I got Looks because of the anarchist texts I have on there. But turnabout is fair play; I disapprove of many things that they do as well. But seriously? we're all family and we love and support each other still!

I don't know what I'm doing today. Hopefully a museyroom : )

Zzzzzzz...

2011-11-29T14:49:00.001+13:00

I'm still feeling really jetlagged. Weird, because it usually doesn't take me this long to get over jet lag. I don't know. I feel tired, drained, out of it... maybe because of all of the walking I've been doing. All of the exploring that I've been doing. And I was so embarrassed today because I couldn't stop laughing at the bottles of Aunt Jemima maple syrup. I've got a bottle to take home, as well as a bottle of the "holiday" Mrs Butterworth's.

"Excuse me ma'am, where are the lampshades?"

I don't even like maple syrup. But I have to giggle at the "auntie" brands of food.

Augh!

2011-11-28T11:31:00.001+13:00

Bought a Kindle and a mp3 player today haha. My money is melting away... But seriously I had to get me some cheap electronics. I'm not going to buy a new phone... much as I want one, I'm not paying ridiculous money to use the 3G network. Yes it is ridiculously expensive to use said network at home. The Kindle can just gobble books from Project Gutenburg. I got the cheap basic one... I'm not paying extra dollars for a gorram keyboard.

It is ridiculously warm too. I actually slept with my window open last night. How disappointing!

Change that shirt/ on ye...

2011-11-27T03:09:00.001+13:00

So I was too frightened of everything. I couldn't go shopping on Black Friday. How doof is that?

I'm going shopping today... Yes indeed. Mister Mister wants me to bring him back this special tramping backpack... but. he's emailed me a whole page of instructions. Told me to memorize them- I am NOT allowed to get them wrong! oh dears. Obviously he knows I'm a bit ditzed.

I had dinner with Gramma last night and one of her friends... Gramma is often in a bad mood with me. And when she's in those moods I just get petrified. Sure she hates my accent. "WHAT IS THIS GIRL SAYING!!"... she screeches. Not so much a question as a statement. And I knowwww she understands me actually... but oh well.

She has dinner with this old Italian lady and this old Jewish lady. Both are fantastic. The Jewish lady made fun of my fondness for prawns. The Italian lady translated everything I said into Italian... il commodore-ey? Grits are apparently POLENTA. I actually really like them all, even though I am usually scared stiff of the elderly. They are always giving me Looks because I really can't say a sentence without looking especially stupid.

Gramma isn't always scary however. She tells me that I have nice teeth, that she likes my hats. She keeps testing me on the road rules! which is slightly upsetting because they are different here.

I'm gonna hit ye Best Buy today. Yes indeed. I'd be a special kind of idiot if I didn't take advantage of the fact... that I can save hundreds of dollars on electronic goods/ music stuff. I'm gonna wipe out all of my savings but oh well.

America... from the perspective of a NZer!

2011-11-26T07:25:00.001+13:00

Actually. I'm American. But I've lived in NZ for 26 years for all intents and purposes I am not really American.

I'm staying in this fancy suburb. It is really fancy... I'm not really sure about it. I mean the houses are not huge but they are all in this fancy-pants style. I don't know. I don't get it. I guess it looks nice but it is really boring... I like living in the relatively shitty parts of town. Much more interesting.

There seem to be a lot of dogs. A lot of Plymouth minivans. A lot of Chevy Silverados. Plus what is up with the stuff in the supermarket? A whole aisle full of salad dressing. I sense a sense of desperation about this economy. I guess these people are really wealthy but I wouldn't want this life... I want a vegetable garden and a tremendously loud bass amp.

I should be out observing Black Friday. But honestly I really don't want to brave the crowds just for this crap. I want that Korg keyboard in the music store catalogue... It must just be Black Friday because I can't believe the amount of advertising. I guess people are getting desperate because noone reads paper catalogues or newspapers nemore...

While I iz here. I'm gonna get me a Kindle, a new mp3 player and maybe a fancy phone... No. Not the fancy phone. It'll just end up stolen or in the washing machine. Electronic goods here are SO much cheaper and SO much more advanced. Gnarlesome.

I am blown away by how WARM it actually is. I thought I would be freezing my tits off. No. No such luck : P.

My family is fantastic however... And I do love American coffee. My makeup has run off my face again from all of the laughter. Great stuff! although the food disagrees with me. It's just too easy to drink gallons of Dr. Pepper and to hell with everything else : P.

Also I love... I adore... being the novelty. Being the center of attention (because of the accent) is fantastic. for awhile at least. It is wonderful for me when people try to imitate the accent... But they all think I am from England. I just don't know : P.

I'm really blue mouldy for a cigarette or a spliff. or good times with Mr. but it is nice to have a period of enforced good behaviour : )

Turkey turkey turkey...

2011-11-25T15:50:00.001+13:00

I adore my family. I've been laughing so much that my makeup has melted all over my face... Basically we are swapping stories and making silly noises.

Grandma is not so great. She's ok 70% of the time... but when her dementia kicks in. I don't know.

Owellz. American sweet potatoes are lovely especially with those marshmallows melted on the top. But too much sugar... I'm worried about it because I'm getting bad pins-n-needles, tremors and these nasty rashes/sores on my skin. It is revolting and I hate it.

I am in Fairfax, VA!

2011-11-24T19:36:00.001+13:00

wheee! made it. Don't know how long we travelled for. It was pretty grim for awhile there were crying babies etc. And of course there is no such thing as a comfortable economy seat. Good ole Scare New Zealand is always alright... United wasn't too bad... the chick on the plane next to me from LAX-Dulles ate a whole pizza. hahaha.

nowwww I'm going to sleep... there are more interesting tales to relate but for now this will do.

The White Whale has surfaced again!

2011-11-22T18:05:00.001+13:00

Because it's ridiculously hot and sunny. I was too hot in a long sleeved top and had to bare my arms. Trufax. I was like a big white pasty ball of girl.

Ohwells. I've gotten the medical A-OK to travel- yays!

Bleach baths suck.

2011-11-20T20:23:00.001+13:00

A bleach bath is not a bath in nothing but bleach... but you have to add bleach to your bathwater. I've been recommended to do it for this skin infection and it SUCKS. because I can't help but associate the smell of bleach with that of a toilet. The overwhelming impression is that of being submerged in toilet water.

I think I got this infection because I ingest wayyyy too much sugar. Sugar causes happy hunting grounds for bacteria. It's funny... I was feeling so much better/looking so much better but then I hit the energy drinks and it got real bad again! and when I hit the energy drinks I drink about four big cans. I just love sugar far too much. oh well. as long as I don't have a temperature I'll be okay to fly... please... please... please... I can't miss this journey.

I'm going to be travelling (hopefully!) the day before Thanskgiving. That's going to be interesting... especially from San Francisco to DC.

I hate this...

2011-11-19T14:00:00.001+13:00

when you're sitting there with someone. you think about something that happened more than 10 years ago to make you laugh. and it still makes you laugh. you start laughing, laughing and laughing. the other person wants to know what you are laughing about?

I was laughing about an experience I had in a remote outhouse. Yeah I know, but sometimes you're in the wops... in the middle of the night... and you have to pee. Men can just look like they're standing there but women have to be much more sneaky.

It was pitch dark and I was a little bit drunk. I weaved my way into said outhouse. Pee, pee, pee... then WHAM! CRASH! BANG!!! WHOOOOOSH... a huge gust of wind blew up the hole. I almost died of fright. Almost fell on my face but managed to steady myself against the walls. WHAM CRASH BANG! it turns out the night-man was changing the tank. but at the time I had no idea what it was. I stayed there trembling with fright and hysterical laughter for a while. and that's slightly a gross story, but really its one of the funniest experiences of my life.

Walking (photo)

2011-11-18T14:25:00.001+13:00

Mortarboard girl. This is from my Hons graduation... guess what girl I am. My hair looks awful but I really didn't put much effort into that graduation.

I really should have put more effort into it... BA Hons is the best thing I've ever done. I wish to do more. I think I will go back to uni... I like the ivory tower. Teaching teens is scary. Life is scary. Literature is this wonderful substitute for life... like a sort of acceptable heroin.

I like this photo. It says a lot. All of these other people have boyfriends or with them whatever, but there I am strutting proudly on my own with my 1950s shoes and awful hair.

People are STUPID!+ps

2011-11-18T12:15:00.001+13:00

Don't mess with the Pajero. The 1989 Pajero, that is...

It may be old, ugly, stupid looking and slow. With automatic transmission. I hate automatics. But oh my god it always comes off best in a collision. Especially with those big chrome bull-bars...

the automatic transmission means that it is slower than it really should be. It makes this thing unbearably slow. I feel like I'm in a Yugo... come on... come on... speed up you piece of shit! My Mum once owned a Yugo... enough said...

I was humming along a street when some dumbass junkie cut right in front of me. He was in some shitty late 90s sedan. He was also French.

I know he was a junkie because. well maybe it was just an assumption. but the street he was going into was filled with methadone bottles and other shit. He cut directly in front of a large heavy 4WD going at 50km/h.

The Pajero cut that car open like it was made of paper. It ended up crumpled and torn from the front lights to the rear lights. LE IDIOT! You cannot mess with the Pajero!

The Pajero, of course, was fine. The bullbar was pushed inwards by about 4cm but not enough to worry about...

Le Idiot was really upset because it wasn't his car and it ended up being COMPLETELY totaled. What did I say again? Do not mess with the Pajero...

-----

I'm writing this because some dumb hideous chick with orange-skin-white-hair-hoop-earrings just tore through a stop sign in front of me. She didn't even slow down. And it was a late-model Escort... you know, one of those ones circa 1997. I think SHE was an Escort too. I had to jump on the brakes really hard in order not to hit her and I went into a side-slide. Stupid woman. I should have just kept driving, the Pajero just would have destroyed her car...

I know 4WDs get bad press. Terrible mileage and all that. But actually this one is much more fuel-efficient than my 1976 Hillman Avenger- which isn't saying much- but surely it is something. And I like this vehicle because it is a proper 4WD with a lot of ground clearance and massive grippy tires. I found an abandoned military airfield because of this thing... so cool : P.

now that I think about it I think she was out of her tree. I usually see people at intersections but I didn't see her until it was almost too late. She was going real fast. Probably she was drunk or high, but what the hell I've been drunk and/or high many a time before now.

Rrrrrrrrrrr I'm having a real time trying to keep off the cigarettes. One thing I would like right now? A gorram cigarette.

====

The Pajero is not mine. It belongs to my kind-of-boyfriend. but he always lets me drive it because. I am trying to make my own car sexier. it is usually off the road. At the moment I am grinding down the wheel rims with an electric grinder to clean them for painting. I got this car in real bad condition, it is taking me a lot of dollars and a lot of time to get it back together again.

This Pajero is the 2.5 litre turbocharged diesel version. They call these cars "grenades" in New Zealand because often the motors crap out on them after a certain period of time... but if you've gotten a good one, you've gotten a good one. This one is obviously a good one as it has done over 300,000km without any obvious issues. When Daniel got it- it had been rolled badly down a gully. He knows how to weld and use a gas torch so he fixed it up... I adore this man. Just the sight of him getting groovy with a mig welder is enough to get me weak at the knees : P

Angst and PowerPoint presentations... Harness your LOSER POTENTIAL!

2011-11-16T20:51:00.001+13:00

Sometimes I think of my living as being fed to the lions. Sometimes! I mean we all have these moments of angst and self-doubt. But nothing fills me with more fear, angst and dread... than good old PowerPoint.

Isn't it stupid? But... it seems like a gymnastics display. If you're good and up to the cut, there's so many opportunities to shine. But if you just plain suck, there's so many opportunities to make the most thorough pig's arse of yourself.

This internetty world of ours just means that everyone "knows" what's wrong and stupid, unless you're the one who's doing it. Of course you know when you're doing it and when you've done it... but sometimes the harder you try not to do something. the more you do it. Like blushing or stammering. Life's wonderful nervous failures : P.

I hate PowerPoint with a passion because it gives me the scope in which I can be "potentially" super-cool but I can never just quite jive with it. I fudge the grammar. I sound pompous. I choose dumb pictures and dumber backgrounds.

I am no more capable of making a decent PP than I am of executing a standing backflip : P

And when I go over my powerpoints of past years I just want to curl up like a cashew nut. WHY did I put in a picture of Noam Chomsky? I blame my Linguistics 101 lecturer, who was obsessed with Chomsky...

And the bloody PP presentations take me SO LONG to prepare because I spend HOURS obsessing over the damn things! It reminds me of the hours of torture I would go through trying to prepare an art project for 3rd form art... and then get a resounding, stinging, soul-crushing D. oh well : P.

I know I'm a loser. But people have made good damn livings out of being losers! You can be a loser and be proud of your loser-dom. Losers anonymous : P. I need to harness this wonderful loser potential. Just like harnessing the wonderful loser potential of... the brave little toaster.

A gigglehouse for girls, a bogglebox for boys...

2011-11-16T10:38:00.001+13:00

damnit to hell. I don't have my glasses which means I can't do ANYTHING that involves looking further than about a metre... so books and the computer screen are in which is good. my cellphone keeps ringing and I ain't-about-to-find-that. still being without my glasses sucks. being at home when I'm meant to be travelling sucks. the pain of this infection sucks. the feverishness sucks, sweats and chills. thankfully I seem to be getting better and I'm leaving a week from today... I can at least walk now. I could have stayed with my mum and dad last night, but I KNOW my mother. she would have tortured me with home remedies and proddings at my foot. and generally just being my mother. she's the most uncomfortable person you could ever imagine. oh well.

I usually don't like using antibiotics but they are the shiz if you ever really need them. also my home-grown-home-blended herbal teas. codeine-paracetamol tablets. some amazingly powerful pot that I got from a gold miner on the West Coast. hot baths with eucalyptus oil. maybe I SHOULD go stay with my mum and dad because I'm starting to get a bit of an appetite but can't stay on my foot long enough to cook any food. and really it would be nice to luxuriate in their lovely guest-room, with king size bed, sweet nestly cat and dog, internet access and TV/DVD player...

DAMN DAMN DAMN!

2011-11-15T11:18:00.001+13:00

I have a fever and a nasty bacterial infection. The doctor won't let me travel for a week... I am so upset. The infection is excruciatingly painful and the fever is making me even more miserable... and I was so looking forward to this trip! thank fuck I have travel insurance. But really this is a horribly painful infection and I don't know how I could have managed the journey... at least I can go in a weeks time... but how's this for timing!!!

my mother wanted me to go stay with her but I said no. She told me off for going to the doctor and said I should have just flown anyway... Mum, I can't travel to the other side of the world while I'm in this kind of agony. It's only a week... DAMN DAMN DAMN!

also my glasses have fallen apart and I'm blind for awhile as well.

good to hear from yew!

2011-11-14T18:42:00.001+13:00

nothing like a job to make you appreciate the weekends : P

====

omg but seriously. OW. the pain is so bad that I can't even get out of my chair... and oh my goodness I've got to fly 17 hours tomorrow! If I knew that I wouldn't be imprisoned in the hospital overnight I'd go to the emergency room. but as it is I'll just have to wait until tomorrow morning when I am due to see the doctor anyway. What did I deserve to get this? is it a spider bite or something? hopefully I can just get a script of antibiotics and be good to go.

Ow!

2011-11-13T17:02:00.001+13:00

I've developed an extremely painful abscess... and I'm leaving the country in three days! I need to find a doctor to take care of it because oh my goodness how am I going to travel. it's very very painful. so painful in fact that although it's only 17:02 I am going to go to bed...

Beautiful, beautiful carz....

2011-11-11T19:01:00.001+13:00

Cars used to be beautiful. Vide this!

Sewing.

2011-11-10T20:49:00.000+13:00

Usually I love to sew. I'm not a very accomplished sewer, but I can manage hems, buttons and buttonholes... stuff like that. I even made my own school formal (prom) dress, although it was coming to pieces by the end of the night... I only wore it that once! especially as I spilt an entire bottle of Bacardi on it... By the end of the night that dress was in an awful state. It was a simple tube-dress. Strapless, electric blue with sequins. I actually had to glue my boobs to that dress because I don't really have *enough* to keep a strapless dress up... The material cost me a heck of a lot of money. I got my hair and makeup done professionally, I paid for it all myself from my food-court-cleaner salary... I just wanted to look as beautiful as I possibly could, for ONE night of my life. Quite frankly the formal "prom" was a terrible bore, all that happened to me was unwanted attention from someone else's boyfriend- which damn near got me killed. I got tremendously drunk and was hung over for about three days.

But this sewing is depressing. Because I have gained so much weight. Horrible... I'm making new buttonholes/ replacing buttons on my woolen kilts. because yes I have gained so much weight. These lovely thick woolen kilts are going to be perfect for the cold winter I am heading into... Same with my cape. Unfortunately I can't seem to get away with eccentric clothing- in America. People (over there) seem more ready to make rude and unnecessary comments about my clothes. I like to wear head scarves- but wearing them in Virginia? FORGET IT! I usually don't mind other peoples' bullshit, but the kind of bullshit I get when (in America) people assume that I'm Muslim- even I can't cope with that. Ugh.

I voted yesterday- I made a "special" vote- seeing as I'll be out of the country on voting day. It was a real gas. I forgot all about the referendum on MMP so I was a bit blindsided there, but fortunately I have an opinion on the subject and knew what I wanted to choose...

Mr. Mr and I are going out driving tomorrow. I know it sounds like something not really to be excited about but... I enjoy all of my time with him. With him I can talk or be silent- and never be embarrassed about myself. That is so rare for me. When he comes to pick me up tomorrow morning I'm going to cook him waffles... I just want to see his smile winkle away beneath his beard : {!

=====

I really can't say this enough. Having a digital copy of the OED is SO wonderful... I always wanted a copy of the OED. but seeing as the paper OED is about as tall as I am, having the digital version is as best as I can do for now... but this is almost as good... and I would never have dreamed of something being as good.

I would never have dreamed of someone actually... well. Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses! that saying is so true. he gives me the feeling like he actually cares for me. what else do I need?

"girls are good, boys are dumb."

2011-11-08T20:04:00.001+13:00

I don't know why I feel the need to write about this. I was just so shocked and horrified. I can't believe it's true and I HOPE it's not true. many many people have told me about this but I never knew until today quite how bad it is...

I knew this girl when I was younger. She was a few years older than me and she went right out of my life right when I was about 14. K***** would have been 16 I think... The thing was, I grew up on the same street as her.

I need to mention this before I go on. I hate this trendy inclination for the word "retarded" to be okay. It's a horrible label for someone to bear, and bear it they must because they can't fight back all the hateful bullies. that think it's okay to say "retarded". It's not okay. Yeah sure maybe "retarded" might in theory be an okay word to convey the meaning of someone's mental development being "retarded". but it's still a playground insult...

People called her "retarded" and still do... I would prefer to say she has a significant learning disability. I think as far as her "mental age". whatever they call it, she's really still a child in many ways. She was always getting into trouble as a kid because she was easily led by people who took advantage of her.

Apparently she's turning tricks via the internet. I check it out. She actually is. I can see exactly what she is up to. It's a familiar story.

The thing is that one can easily see from her profile, she is not thinking with the same rationale or sense of what is safe. She is obviously not thinking with the mental clarity of an adult. She has already had three children and they have been taken from her. Why? She left the 5 year old to watch the 3 year old and 5 month old. for much of the day and night. She doesn't see what's wrong with this and why her children have been taken from her...

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THOSE SLIMY SLEAZEBALL SCUMBUCKET PIECES OF FILTH THAT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS POOR GIRL!

How utterly, utterly horrible.

Lazy daisy...

2011-11-08T12:16:00.002+13:00

I had one of those nights where I couldn't sleep at all... As far as I know I got zero sleep. However, I am aware that one can often think that there's zero sleep happening when in fact one catches a few Zs. My mind was in a ferment! I kept thinking about a childrens' story that I want to write about.

The format is an old and familiar one. A nifty witch adopts a waif and starts her on her own magical path. I'm thinking a sort of forest/steampunk nifty sort of witch... if you can sort of imagine that. I want to invent the craziest of mythical animals and the weirdest of marauding armies/magical people/bandits/travelling whores. There has to be a cult of people called "Skyscratchers" who, in the absence of powered flight, are trying to build taller and taller structures to pierce through "the blue skin" and "be the first to give the Goddesses a crate of whiskey"... There has to be an animal called a Grumbletit. I need to read The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy and some Terry Pratchett... WHY don't I already own any of these books? Oh my goodness I am going to go INSANE in the bookstores of DC... and I'll probably end up carrying 20kg of books in my carry-on luggage in order not to go past my luggage limit.

So I'm feeling kind of insane today. Did I mention that work is over for me this year. Yeah... most of the kids are sitting their exams at the moment. Of course the Year 9s and Year 10s aren't really as such, but really they have very little work for relief teachers at this particular time. So... I'm filling my days with anxiety-mixed-with-excitement (re my Big Journey) procrastination (re my Wanting To Write Something) and tearing away in my garden like a woman possessed. I always get these little... spurts of intense energy in some field or another. One week I'm studying 200-level semantics, the other... I'm trying to think of new battle strategies for the classroom. The next, I'm weeding the vegetable garden.

Oh... I got into my car this morning and found that Someone had strewn biscuit crumbs (cookie crumbs for you Americans!) absolutely EVERYWHERE... I know that doesn't really seem bloggable but I hate a messy car. What I hate even more is crawling around inside a car with a vacuum cleaner : (. Dan the Disaster Man...

======

I have a real fear of talking on the telephone. I don't mind if it's family or a VERY good friend, but people I only sorta know or don't know at all... it fills me with anxiety and dread! I have to make a phone call this afternoon. I have absolutely no choice in the matter.

I am dreading it. It makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it. WHY is it so hard for me to talk on the damn phone? I really don't know... What's weird is that I never minded doing it when I had to do it at a job... I could adopt a persona then. I was "Andrea, calling from the Fine China Department at Ballantynes." When I'm actually ME... I would actually rather get a tetanus shot than make this damn phone call. Really, I would. Isn't it pathetic? Are there support groups for people out there who are afraid of talking on the telephone?

======

I guess I'm in a venting mood this afternoon. There's something else I'm sick of... I'm sick of being ashamed of myself. I'm sick of all the shame. All the shameful memories I have. I'm a terribly blundering person and I've done so many things I'm not proud of. Why do these memories haunt me night and day? I get no rest from them. I find myself addressing myself aloud as a "dumb-fuck-fucking-fuckwit" ALL day EVERY day... I am so tired of it! Shame is a cancer that eats away at the soul. Try as I might, I can't clear this poison, this horridness from my mind.

Playing a little music helps... Gardening helps. Reading helps. I want to talk to the Disaster Man about it, but then he'll want to know what I'm so ashamed of. I couldn't even tell him about it, I couldn't tell my guardian angel (if I met him or her!)... You know what I do? I talk to dead people that I loved. Isn't that pathetic? but somehow Jacqui was just the kindest and most understanding woman in the world. She had great personal dignity and would probably NEVER have done the stupid shit that I've done. I miss her so much.

=====

I find that my thoughts also keep returning to the demonstration movement that's going on at the moment. To be honest, I can't WAIT until I can observe it first-hand. I've been very vocal indeed about it- actually, I've been scoffing at these people. calling them ineffectual posers. And WHO are these pseudo-communists? Do forgive me for saying this, but I think you shouldn't go "yay communism will solve ALL our problems" until you've lived under it... Why should we swap one form of oppression for another? I am sick to death of these pretentious youngsters airing their half-baked opinions, thinking they are some reincarnation of Trotsky or something.

You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see people distributing "stories". There should be a weekly pamphlet called "This Week's Pissed Off People". I don't know how you'd get the money or resources to do it, but you could just put them in cafes or something... That would work on a New Zealand level, but you've got to realize that I can't really think in terms of large nations. People could submit their stories, their opinions, how they personally think they've been fucked over by corporate fuckery. Give the people a voice! I know the Internet is supposed to do that but honestly, the Internet is a bit of a sham... there's too MUCH information out there, not in any organised form... We've been stuffed full of information until we can take no more!

Do you want to change the world? Ya gotta realize that the people in charge have some bloody clever bastards working for them. Lotsa clever minds out there working for the dollar, they've got our minds well harnessed! We need to learn how to outsmart them, not just pose around trying to look rebellious... and above all don't believe in some bloody magical solution.

Dear ole Dad.

2011-11-07T18:43:00.001+13:00

With his little stumpy legs he is a lot like me. I blew a radiator hose this morning (thankfully I noticed before the motor heated up). He rescued me from where I was stranded and helped me track down a replacement hose... It was tremendously nice of him, as he could have just told me to get a taxi.

I am getting more and more excited about my big journey to the States. I just hope that I don't miss my connection like I did last time... Being stranded for 10 1/2 hours in LAX was just an awful experience. In fact, airports have to rank right up there with public toilets... a place where it's sometimes necessary to be but always awful!

What this "movement" needs

2011-11-05T17:32:00.000+13:00

is a brain. a plan. SOMETHING that will effect change because you cannot effect change through half-hearted protests. what people need to do (if they want to do anything!) is outline a strategic GOAL and study the methods... of great past revolutionaries. Lenin. Sun Yat Sen. Mahatma Gandhi. the "occupiers" in NZ were interviewed on the TV and they couldn't even say what they wanted.

although really and truly I believe that human society will never be capable of justice and goodness. you can have your little revolutions, but I've yet to see a revolution that has stuck to its core ideals.

I am so looking forward to this trip of mine. off to the States. I am excited beyond all proportion to the event... Let me know, certain people, if you want to hang out. if you're relatively near N. Virginia.

Dorkasaurus.

2011-11-05T14:13:00.001+13:00

I'm having a bit of a boring day because it's just... a certain time of the month... and I can't really do much because of the CRAMPS! ugh. It's just too horrible. Usually exercise makes them better but all I want to do is lie down flat with a hot water bottle on the small of the back.

I've decided to film some things. Damnit, why not! Maybe I should film the way my cat keeps stealing food off my plate. Maybe I should film the pickadees. Maybe I should film the potato cannon... in fact, I think I WILL film the potato cannon.

I decided to let it off... last night. I must have put too much acetylene in there because it made the biggest explosion I've heard for a long time. I never did find the potato, the neighbours came rushing over to see who had been killed- and my ears rang for a decent amount of time afterwards. Now that I know how to use a gas plant- now that I also have a potato cannon- I guess I'm more dangerous than ever.

eee

2011-11-04T17:21:00.002+13:00

I had to read the first Harry Potter book for my children's literature class. I kinda liked it but not enough to read the other novels... Maybe I should read them, but I'm stubborn when it comes to irrational things like that : P

I've never read Twilight either... I just gathered that it was to do with vampires. Vampires probably like cloaks but who knows, I've never met a vampire (yet!)

=====

I'm Miss Tomato Face today. This is a very painful combination of sunburn and wind-burn. I was out in the garden for hours in high winds and bright sun. I wore lots of sunscreen but obviously it just wore off. I don't know what happened to me last night, I was in the garden until 11pm!

All pickadees are still living : P. Thank you God, for this small mercy!

Gardening/ question about US weather...

2011-11-03T18:53:00.004+13:00

I think I got food poisoning or something... I couldn't go to work. You can't teach while your digestive system decides to play merry hell with you.

I'm feeling a lot better now, so I've just spent the last few hours in the vegetable garden. I know it sounds boring but I've developed an enthusiasm for it. I'm inordinately proud of it as well and probably show it off too often... but oh well. I want to move back into the city, but I can't bear to leave my garden/ chickens behind. of course I'm leaving them behind for 3 weeks as I brave the states.

I now have five baby chicks. which I call pickadees. They are so wonderful. Interesting watching the different mothering techniques of the various mother hens. Bantam hens usually make good mothers...

===

Question: What should I really expect in the way of weather... in northern VA/MD? At this time of year... I'm arriving on the 25th of this month. Any possible reader living in the States. please give me some sort of clue. I guess I could research it. I'm wondering if I should bring things like gumboots and thermal sleepwear. Can I get away with wearing knee-length skirts with woolen stockings- or is it actually too cold? I'm going to bring my big cape of course. Although people often think I'm sort of pretentious Twilight fan when I wear it... oh well.

Ay, poor old Christchurch...

2011-11-01T17:31:00.004+13:00

I went into the actual old red zone today. for like the first time in ages...

EVERYTHING has gone. It has all been razed. Disappeared. Finito. Gone. Gone. How can a whole city disappear? Mine did.

In its place they are starting to build new things... I cannot get over the strangeness of EVERYTHING OMG IS GONE!

But I was a music teacher today, which was nice. It was really rather nice.

I also went and bought a metric crapton of Healthy Vegetarian Food. I really should eat Nothing But Healthy Vegetarian Food- I shouldn't be getting up in the middle of the night with a sudden craving for a toasted cheese sandwich.

I stabbed myself in the eye with my mascara. Ow that always hurts so much. I also got my American dollars because the exchange rate is rather favourable at the moment... compared to what it will probably be later on. or so my Dad said and I trust his judgement.

damn!

2011-10-31T15:39:00.001+13:00

it must have been hot today. I actually bared my arms. wore open-toed shoes! I look like a big pasty white vanilla instant pudding, but what else are you going to do.

Election fever!

2011-10-30T13:15:00.004+13:00

I do adore elections.

I'm a rabid Green party supporter. Not that I really support the way our government works and... is... but I strongly believe that environmentalism needs good representation in Parliament. I may have my dreams, but I'm trying my best to be practical... You should see what factory farming/ gold mining/ coal mining is doing to our country. You can't recover the land once it has been destroyed.

So this afternoon I'll be out and about helping to put up Green Signs : P. gnarlsome, I always enjoy this activity. I like the people, the food and the satisfaction of doing something for what I believe in... plus the satisfaction of doing a decent job. when it comes to putting up signs!

I'm trying to delete all my crappy posts but already I can't really be bothered.

Check this out... and adjust for your own time zone, if you really want to watch it : P

Two weeks without a cigarette... now... two whole weeks! I'm still on edge and experiencing cravings, but they're getting slightly less of a burden... slowly...

nyeeeeeeeeeechuckchucky

2011-10-28T19:48:00.000+13:00

I've been listening to The Goons again. Why do I have this weakness for utter nonsense?

I dreamed all night last night that I was in China. Some Chinese lady was putting lipstick on my feet. Maybe because I've been struggling trying to teach myself Mandarin... It'll go the way of everything else. It is IMPOSSIBLE to learn a language on your lonesome. But maybe I should go to China? What the hell! I'm in the kind of mood where I just want to do something totally unwise.

What I REALLY want to do is climb the height of an ivory tower, find my solace in books/ music videos/ the occasional indulgence and to FUCK with everything else. Yes, really I would like to do that. But I'd have to search the length and breadth of the country in search of a research supervisor.

Of course I didn't work today. I was relieved by not having to work. Relief teaching stinks... you're never sure what you're going to get stuck with from day to day.

But! I have an interview at a local high school for an Actual. English. Teaching. Job. Tizz only an interview, but what the hell I'll get my hopes up anywayz.

With willow wood for fuel.

2011-10-27T17:46:00.003+13:00

1st verse

bridge

I love this song... It speaks to me. I always did want to be a recluse!

Whooooo my housemate has made a potato cannon. We could never get away with a potato cannon in the city! This is fabulous. I've been firing potatoes at things ever since I got home from... work. But twas a cool day. I always loved social studies, even when I was at school.

Ummm... I could actually apply for a job teaching German. My German has gotten SO bad, but the funny thing is that I'm actually qualified to teach it. Damnit, I hate that my German has gotten so rusty...

WE WON! WE WON!

2011-10-23T22:47:00.005+13:00

OMG. I think I am going to run around in circles all night! We are the CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!!!!!!

I couldn't watch the game. We won by one. single. point!

I iz back!

2011-10-23T20:09:00.003+13:00

I had SO much fun.

A lot of it was just being alone in the bush. A lot of walking, a lot of falling into creeks and big mud puddles... I got eaten alive by sandflies and my skin is torn with gorse and bush-lawyer : P

But of course I went down to ye mussel bed! The quota is 50. I picked 50 juicy, fat, delicious wild greenlip mussels... most of them about as long as my hand! Of course mussels are one of my favourite foods in the world. I ate so many that I almost made myself ill. With balsamic vinegar and runny home-made Camembert cheese- cooked on a piece of iron laid across a driftwood fire! I take no credit for the fire. A nice man built mine for me as I can never seem to make stuff burn...

Why was it so much fun picking those mussels? I was up to my armpits in freeeeeezing water, but I got a certain buzz out of it... I just love the sea, and those edible gifts of Tangaroa that come with it.

The journey home was pretty cool as well. I managed to catch the big motorbike street-race in Greymouth... Of course all of the bikies in the South Island compete and it was an amazing (and very loud) sight. I like street racing. Unfortunately I was on edge while driving the whole way home. Police everywhere, I don't think my license allows me to tow a trailer.

And now the RUGBY WORLD CUP FINAL is almost on... and I'm too scared to watch!

2011-10-18T18:16:00.001+13:00

but I'm heading off into the wilderness for a few days. It's probably a REALLY bad idea considering the fact that I'm on the job search. but I need to go away and get into some good. wilderness time. I need to go away and be with mountains, forests, beaches and rivers for awhile... I've borrowed a big old 4WD, in which the back seats fold down nicely to make a comfortable, warm place to sleep. I'll have books, food, my wetsuit, warm clothes, fishing gear and music/musical instruments. I can't wait to leave, although I'm too lazy to pack everything tonight.

I'll also be taking in the (rugby) World Cup final. at some country pub or other. That'll be pretty damn interesting : P!

===

You may have read about a giant container ship that's belching out oil onto our beaches. It's truly terrible and it looks like it's going to get worse before it is better. Of course those Tauranga beaches are now smothered in thick oil and all the animals are dying...

The company that owns the ship. is the 2nd largest shipping company in the world. They are "donating" a MISERABLE MILLION DOLLARS to clean up this mess! Of course they're trying to justify it saying that they're not to blame... but really, a million dollars is an insulting proposition...

More blabbing.

2011-10-14T16:38:00.000+13:00

I'm becoming nostalgic for the past. Lord forgive me. I'm starting to suffer from that insidious disease that tells us "things were better back then!"

But really I would have liked to live in a world without television commercials. Without the kind of revolting artificial food that fills most of our diets. Without tabloid magazines, Hummer limos and oil rigs.

I guess (however) that I would have had to deal with things just as bad. Like the non-existence of modern plumbing, for example. The "better" past has always lived merely behind our eyeballs, nowhere else will the world ever be so good (OR so bad).

One more month...

2011-10-14T15:24:00.003+13:00

and I'll be having dinner with my extended family. Luckily, I'm really looking forward to it because I don't see this particular part of my family. They're my dad's family. My mum's family lives in New Zealand, so I'm always seeing aunts as they flit around the country. But this is going to be rather special.

This year I'm going to explore. I'm going to examine Washington DC. Not just the galleries and museums, but the shops and streets. Just wish I had more money to spend and more room in my luggage. I don't really need a car to get around. I'll be staying in Woodbridge and Fairfax. I can commute from there, I have a liking for the Metro.

I'm not looking forward to the journey itself. I fly from Christchurch to Auckland (one hour), Auckland to LA (11 hours). LA to Washington (about 5 hours I guess). The last leg is the worst because of the rotten airline I'm going to be flying. First leg will be Scare New Zealand, which isn't really so bad (unless you are landing in Wellington). And of course there are all the arsey security checks, but that makes up for the lack of entertainment on those old-timey 1990s flights.

I just hope they don't confiscate my sleeping pills. Sleeping through those long flights makes it all so much more tolerable.

2011-10-05T17:31:00.000+13:00

I took a class today that had to take a test. Righty! I don't usually like that, because it means I do no teaching... I just have to sit and stare at them writing for 55 minutes. But something most interesting occurred!One girl took exception to the fact that they had to be seated apart from one another. You know how tests go in classrooms, noone can sit next to their friends. But I insisted. She wasn't too happy about it, and it was the stares and glares from her that made me interested in seeing what she wrote in her test. Usually I don't look at a student's work because I am a substitute/relief teacher, but this time I was curious...She had written three pages about how I swore at her, yelled at her (I did no such thing!). Apparently I was "power-hungry"-! Cripes! What a lie! Luckily I had read this "test" of hers otherwise I would be in a bit of trouble... Fortunately I was able to add a little comment on the bottom about how I did not yell or swear- that I was not power hungry. that I was just asking her to follow a rule that everyone had to follow- and why should she be an exception?=====Later that day I had a class that actually made me cry. Fortunately I got my cry in after the class had finished. Those were tears of frustration. 30 13 year olds stamping their feet, shouting, banging on their desks etc made me wish I could break out the cane (as teachers did in times of yore). You would not believe how badly behaved they were. I used all the punishments available to me... to no avail... I confided my frustrations in another teacher (from Brooklyn!) and she said they were one of the worst classes in the school. Actually, the end of today saw me wishing somewhat that I had chosen another career. Schools are perfect hothouses of germs and now I feel the beginnings of a nasty head cold. Lovely. I have a condition which makes it hard for me to breathe through my nose at the best of times; I am actually considering the surgery recommended to me... but I do not like the idea of surgery, especially nose surgery. I researched it and got to know that I am quite likely to suffer a great deal of residual pain throughout the years- if I am to get it done. So maybe I'll just have to stay a mouth-breather.

Working...

2011-09-22T19:22:00.000+12:00

my butt off is making me enjoy life at a deeper level.on a deeper level? at a deeper level... I don't know which it is. But whatever it is. Reading these writers, listening to this music... it makes me come home to myself. a self I never knew was still alive. I thought it was buried. it was just like an insect suspended in amber.

Grumph!

2011-09-22T16:29:00.001+12:00

I'm zonked... Turns out I had to teach Japanese, not Health. I got so fed up with kids saying "aawwww why are you teaching Japanese if you don't know Japanese"... A few kids really felt my wrath today, which is probably not good but they've got to know when they cross the line.I was running late, so forgot my water bottle and food. Didn't have any time all day to fetch either, which was probably good because I didn't get any loo breaks either. I was so tired from all of this that I got lost on the way home (on a route I follow every day) and just made it home ten minutes ago... immediately poured a cup of hot sweet milky tea down my throat and threw myself on my bed, where I will remain from now until I can bear to move myself and get into a nice hot bath. I had paperwork coming out of my ears today and I just hate that.

Gnarly remix...

2011-09-21T18:04:00.000+12:00

Teacherland.

2011-09-21T17:16:00.000+12:00

Booyeah.

Yesterday I had to be Miss P.E. which was hard because I could never even do PE when I was at school myself. Hyperactive teenagers with tennis balls and tennis racquets? A very frustrating scenario. Half of the kids played normal games of tennis, but the other half were devoted to several other tasks (which WERE probably more fun).

-hitting tennis balls with someone's rear end as a target.

-trying to hit tennis balls through the netball hoops.

-hitting tennis balls with the maximum of clout so said tennis balls went way over the fence and into the property next door.

I got my own back, however. I haz me ways, and got all tennis balls returned to me...

As one kid was skateboarding instead of playing tennis, I confiscated the board until the end of class. It has been many many years since I skulked around with a skateboard tucked under my arm. So I did whilst I ran back and forth supervising these tennis games... The student was kinda okay about it. Asked me if I skateboarded. I replied... well, no, I would look a bit sad and pathetic on a skateboard. given that I'm probably too old for it. He said oh no you're not too old which was probably his way of kissing up, but who am I to wrinkle my nose.

Tomorrow is a full day of taking Health classes. Pray for me. Pray for me.

Dreamt...

2011-09-18T14:13:00.001+12:00

last night. that I had fallen asleep on top of a big platter of food. What is my subconscious trying to tell me?

Computer question.

2011-09-17T13:19:00.002+12:00

I've got my old games, like Red Alert, Command and Conquer, Duke Nukem 3D... but they don't seem to want to run with Windows 7... or something...

Can I download something like Dosbox and use that to make these games work? I'm up for some nostalgia here.

Rummaging...

2011-09-17T11:11:00.000+12:00

through the recycling yard. I'm such a scavenger. But I found an aluminium colander to replace my broken clothes peg basket, several language books (Elementary Chinese), a book about Chinese archaeology, the most hideously bright sweater known to man- and a 70s microwave as big as a tomb (seeing as mine just died). Also a really good 60s makeup case. The only problem with it is the fact that it is a hideous colour. Can one paint melamine plastic?

====

Spring is definitely here- all of the tulips, daffodils, freesias etc are blooming. So lovely. And now I have to tackle the garden because the weeds are flourishing too. Damn these painful back problems of mine.

Bah humbug.

2011-09-16T14:17:00.000+12:00

I've only got one class to teach today... hardly worth the effort! oh well. today is beautiful, and I have some spare time.

My dad has retired, and I think he doesn't know what to do with himself! he is part of a group that tours rest homes and sings old-timey music hall favourites for the old people. I think that's a delightful thing for him to do, even if the suit he has to wear looks like one of Liberace's.

Mister gorgeous is just... so gorgeous. He even listens patiently to my excited ramblings about random facts I learn in the course of my daily reading.

He is teaching me how to draw properly. and I am teaching him music...

The viola is sounding amazing through the bass cube... it is sort of electrified. some dude helped me make a pickup from an old microphone. The viola sounds like a bit of an unusual choice of instrument, to accompany guitar and perform the occasional lead break... but truly I really like it. Still having problems with the alto clef but bugger it, I play by ear anyway.

Ugh, but applying for other jobs... stinks. to be honest it really really stinks. I hate having to write cover letters. of course the cover letters have to be perfect if I want to look like a decent English teacher. What do I say about myself? I mention my work history and love of teaching, but what else can I say... I can say that I'm deeply interested in actually teaching ENGLISH- the one subject I actually know about. To teach people to communicate effectively. But should I really go on about my teaching philosophy in my cover letter... yargh. I'm writing one generic one for every school, bugger it, I'm not writing a dozen different cover letters (as I am applying for about a dozen jobs).

Dad and I have bought the plane tickets. We will be in the USA just before Thanksgiving- we'll be staying three weeks. if I can find a job, I'll stay longer. I'm very much looking forward to this. It won't be the same without Jacqui... her death has left a gaping hole in our family. I still can't believe she is gone, I loved her so much.

I'm going to have to practice speaking slower so Grandma can understand me. Us Kiwis tend to speak really, really, really quickly. So often Grandma struggles with my yattering- "What's this girl talking about?"

I really wish I could bring the gorgeous mister with me. I'm going to miss him very much indeed.

Sleep!

2011-09-13T16:37:00.003+12:00

I'm just so damn sleepy...

I've been enjoying the Rugby World Cup, although I'm not shelling out a hundred bucks to buy an All Blacks jersey. I won't be able to wear it in the States, because a lot of people there think that the All Blacks is some sort of organisation for black people. which makes things a little awkward sometimes. Americans seem to be a little more educated about rugby (than they WERE), but not quite enough.

I especially enjoyed watching the Romanians play the Scots... the Romanians almost won! Still, I feel so deeply disappointed- because of the earthquakes we're not going to see any World Cup games in our own city... and this city is mad about rugby! The stadium is broken somehow, you can't see it but apparently it is going to cost a tremendous amount of money to make it safe again.

I don't have much faith in the All Blacks this year. We have a damn good team this year, but... we had a damn good team when we lost in the quarter-finals to France. I remember going out the morning after we lost to the Frogs- the whole city was silent, in mourning. you could taste the disappointment!

I shouldn't watch rugby games, because I get too excited and start yelling at the wrong things. Ending in me making a damn fool of myself.

I learned yesterday that my dad was forced by his parents to stop playing gridiron. for exactly the same reason they persuaded me to give up hockey. tendency towards overexcitement!

I'm practicing Marlys Bogus Yoga at the moment... which is lying on the floor whenever possible.
===

I discovered $400 I had squirreled away... in a bank account I had totally forgotten about. What a bonus... it is all going into my car, my hats and my makeup. I'm earning decent money at the moment but I seem to spend way too much. Even the guy at the bank told me I was spending too much money.

===

How I am looking forward to my visiting Virginia this year. I will probably get in more screaming arguments with conservatives. Especially the ones who think that we're in a recession because God is mad... Ugh! Do people actually believe these things, or are they truly evil and trying to manipulate the minds of those with weak intelligence?

This made me crack up laughing... Maybe as a chicken owner, I am susceptible to these things. Hmm.

The average hen seems to be blessed with a very small brain and very little inclination to use it. When I feed them, it often takes a lot of them a long time to realize they have to go around the fence to get at their food... They run back and forward in a demented manner until I chase them in the correct direction. Oh dear.

Ai, Adonis...

2011-09-12T14:17:00.003+12:00

Well, my indisposition has turned itself into a cold. I really don't know what it is. All I know is that all I want to do is sleep, and all I can do is breathe out of my mouth. Sinuses all stuffed up. Ugh. I'm supposed to have some sort of operation on my nose, but goodness knows I'm not getting an operation unless it comes free with lots of painkillers. Hospitals are so boring... I can't read books and magazines all day long and I hate TVs damnit!

Although I feel tremendously groggy, I've planted peas, beans, corn, tomatoes and potatoes... And the hens are laying a wonderful amount of eggs. Spring has sprung! Although I'll miss a lot of the nice weather, as I am due to fly over to Virginia in November. I'm hoping to find teacherly employment there.

Nerding it up.

2011-09-11T16:24:00.000+12:00

Reading about Charles Babbage, molluscs and the doppelgaenger phenomenom. yahr.

I've basically been asleep all weekend. except for reading and eating kettle corn. Some days, that's all I want to do...

Yikes and Pikes...

2011-09-10T11:02:00.000+12:00

well. now I know that when the fuel indicator needle hits "Empty" the fuel tank really IS empty... it's happened before and now it happened again. I ran out of fuel. Since it happened last time I've always kept a bottle of petrol in the boot of the car.

I've been kinda busy. Which means yay yay more money for me. I need to buy more hats since Henry accidentally put all of my berets through the washing machine and shrunk them...

Filling in for those who are obviously the worst teachers you can imagine. There's nothing like that inward sinking feeling when you open up a classroom that is so messy... one's necessary papers buried under a huge pile of papers on the desk. I am applying for lots of other jobs... please keep yeer fingers crossed for your old buddy Angie(R).

Fathers' day...

2011-09-05T16:30:00.002+12:00

I wonder when Fathers' Day was invented... it's another holiday invented by dodgy capitalists. we all love our Dads and the established mode is to Buy Dad Something... but I never know what to get my dad. I know he wants a Walkman. yep, he still likes to listen to cassette tapes and doesn't bother at all about MP3s.

Hinenuitepo.

That's the name of the goddess of death (in Maori literature).

W***'s sister died. W*** is this guy I've known for quite a few years now. I've always thought he was a nice guy and it's quite a thing to lose a sibling. He's in his forties and this is the first time he's ever flown- he's flying to Sydney for the funeral. They might be having a proper tangi, but I don't know and it would be a bit tactless to ask.

Worst thing is that she has 4 kids, ages 4 weeks to 17 years. I don't think their dad is around, either. It makes me feel very sad to know about all of these kids losing their mum. and it must be important to Will, because he confessed to me that he has a deep-rooted fear of flying.

He appeared very stressed out last night. He came over with Henry's daughters who had come to do the whole Father's Day thing. My own mum and dad came out as well. I helped Henry's daughters cook a big traditional feed- venison sausages, fried onions, bread and butter- and lots of garden salad. It is what the dads wanted. But we didn't make a very long thing of it because Will was anxious to get home, he would have left at 5am this morning. I just hope he managed to conquer his anxiety.

Let's

2011-09-02T17:04:00.001+12:00

learn about onions.

Yet ANOTHER shake...

2011-09-02T09:42:00.003+12:00

this was a really bad one! this morning at about 3:30 I think it was. I had to dash out of bed and cower under my desk as the ceiling tiles here are dodgy and ready to fall down at any moment.

No work today as I have an extremely painful headache. Nightmares all night last night too. Really bad ones. So I can't really look at the computer screen... I'm going to my chamber : P.

Never before...

2011-09-01T21:26:00.001+12:00

have I met a man who paid court to both my body and my mind. It's always just been one or the other. Those early relationships in my life where a guy would just about eat me alive but... I might have shared common interests with him or whatever. But there was just no actual meaningful connexion. This is lovely and I would be happy even if he cut me off tomorrow, this short time has just been so glorious. Again, I don't want to share any indiscreet details... but he is the opposite of, um... selfish.

The saga of Henry's knee...

2011-09-01T18:27:00.000+12:00

I have always been a staunch socialist. My ideals actually lie in another direction, but my belief as to how a country should be run best... the government should make sure there are. good free schools. good free medical care. good subsidized housing for those who need it. I learned it from my mother. She has always been passionate on this subject- "Socialism WORKS, Andrea!" Although some people (mostly Americans, like myself) automatically equate socialism with autocratic communism... I really wish they could see how positive a thing it can be. To ensure that children, at least, will never have to lack a thing they need.

Yet there's trouble involved with the socialized healthcare. The system will wiggle and squirm to avoid spending money. if they can possibly get away with it.

Henry is a 60 year old guy who has spent a lifetime working as a metal fabricator, boilermaker, welder, builder, plumber, mechanic... Anything to do with making things. Anyway, so he's been knocked around a bit.

He's now limping around the place with an incredibly sore knee. He took a bad fall and ruptured the cartilage/tendon/ whatever it is. He saw a surgeon about it and made the claim to ACC to pay for the surgery- ACC is the organisation that looks after people who have had accidents. They compensate people for lost wages and pay for their treatment. However, it takes a bit of fighting to get the goose from that particular bear...

they have claimed they will not pay for the surgery because. they claim it is a degenerative condition. How a ruptured tendon/ligament/whatever can be a degenerative condition is beyond me... But according to the surgeons etc he has spoken to, ACC are now making a point of declining to help people unless the people concerned kick up a huge fuss. I am quite happy to be currently helping Henry with his kicking up a fuss at the moment... the guy is like a second father to me. I'm doing the letter writing and phone calling. Henry is rather deaf and can't use a telephone easily. plus he got very little schooling as he dropped out of school early to help support his mother (who had 10 other children). He is a very clever man; I believe that if he had been able to get higher education, he could have been... well, anything.

===

Isn't it wonderful (for those of you out there who play an instrument) when one notices a definite improvement in one's skill... I'm still terrible, but I can stand to listen to myself now.

I have just acquired a rather lovely acoustic guitar. Lovely in the way that it is quite small, with a narrow neck. I have short fingers so I usually struggle with guitars. Plus I have trouble remembering chords... But this guitar suits me so well, I might actually be able to play something some day. Which will be invaluable with my teaching.

====

Here's a question for you, Christopher. It might sound totally out of the blue/ random/ you may not be able to answer it... but you're the best bet I have.

I will be arriving in the States just after Thanksgiving, to try and drum up some money (through working as a teacher) to get my youth mobility visa for the EU.

I can't ask any of my relatives this because they would disapprove.

I want to buy me a motorbike. I know how to ride one and all of that nonsense... Getting the license will be the easy part. But will I be able to get credit for one if I have no preexisting credit history in the US? because obviously I have not the dollars for a Ducatti right now. I know I can take the DC metro to get around the place (I will be starting off in Woodbridge VA) but, as I will most likely be subbing, I will probably need to get to some more inaccessible places. I don't want a car because- I just approve of motorbikes more. They're sexy, noisy, and leave less of a carbon footprint than a car. Why would I want a car when I'm single and only need to take myself (and a backpack) to work?

====

I am currently engrossed in taking my old hard drive to pieces. The guys at the computer shop got their beers! I am just so thrilled with my new hard drive.

I have always been bad with delicate objects (except for my violin and my finer antique bottles/ various porcelain or bone china objects). My collection of crystal beer glasses/ shot glasses/ champagne glasses has been sadly reduced through my clumsiness. Ditto my cellphone (which went through the washing machine, alas). I have dropped my portable hard drive onto the ground three times since I got it (which was only a few weeks ago!)- it's amazing that it is still working.There is just no finesse to my movements at all. It may be my eyesight- also, it may be tied up somehow with whatever prevented me from even crawling until I was almost a year old. I am CONSTANTLY being scolded by my mother for my clumsiness and admonished to be more careful- but I just can't seem to help it at all.

====

I am still very much head-over-heels with this new guy of mine. I never knew someone could be so caring and sweet towards me- because I am a bit of an annoying person. I don't want to go into any indiscreet details but this is... frankly, the best man I have ever had beside me. In many ways. He shares a lot of my interests as well- although he calls himself a Luddite and will not go near computers. But he does love driving, reading, writing, drawing/painting (his ability as an artist is incredible! he can actually achieve photorealism). I am so enamoured that I spent ages cooking his favourite meal (loaded venison burgers, which I hate) just to see him smile when he came home from work last night.

I seem to be having a spate of bad luck...

2011-08-31T17:21:00.002+12:00

did I mention earlier that now my violin needs an expensive repair?

you may or may not know that my violin has a honking great crack right down its uppermost face. Not a big deal, it's been there for god knows how many years. Someone really mistreated the poor thing before I got my hands on it. But now the face of it is starting to lift up on the right-hand side of the crack. Hard to explain without a picture. I'm dreading that it's going to be enormously expensive; my finances have already been hit badly by my latest misfortunes and my extravagance in buying boots, books, scented candles and aromatherapy oils... cripes : (.

Eggy Pop.

2011-08-31T10:50:00.004+12:00

I deleted yesterday's post because it seemed somewhat indiscreet. But I do still want to share the joy of the typewriter-

It is so much fun typing on a typewriter. You have to BANG at those keys... for some reason I really enjoy it. also the *ding!*. It needs a new ribbon and some typewriter cleaner fluid for the "P" key which I have not been able to get unstuck. Not too bad, considering it has been in storage for the last thirty years or so... I'm totally going to take this thing with me everywhere, as it is a portable non-electric type with a gnarly case.

=======

I thought I might write what was actually wrong with my computer... so that those with HP laptops with fingerprint scanners may be warned!

The fault lay, as you may imagine, in the fingerprint scanner. The computer guy said that it's a fault that HP has done nothing to resolve. Something to do with a... data stub or something...

Anyway, my computer is now up and running wonderfully! the 1TB hard drive is like a blessing from the heavens.

Also, the mystery of the broken hard drive has resolved itself. Christine told me the other day that she had dropped a full (mercifully, unopened) beer bottle on the keyboard... she didn't want to tell me she had done it until she had enough money to pay me for the new hard drive. I'm so glad she told me.

===

I seem to be having really bad luck lately, because I have also now put my cellphone through the washing machine! Aaaaaaah... It is only a $90 Nokia that I have been using for about three years now. But still, I am pissed off. In addition, last night I tripped over a roll of netting wire (in complete darkness). As I landed heavily on concrete wearing nothing but a small nightie, I skinned all of my elbows and knees. I laid there for quite a while cursing and yelling...

PLUS I got, um, trapped in the toilet. The door lock broke and I could not open the door! I crashed and banged against it, to no avail. So I had to squeeze myself out the tiny little window, which was covered by insect netting. not in a removable screen form. I had to rip it open. Henry yelled at me when he saw how I had destroyed the insect netting, but was most apologetic when it took him two crowbars and a sledgehammer to get the toilet door open again...

I shouldn't be going on about this...

2011-08-28T19:40:00.002+12:00

Yet my heart bubbles over like a popcorn maker making popcorn... when I is with him. It is so wonderful and so truly rare for me. I know there's the possibility that it could all go wrong, but I wouldn't get angry if it did- because I have had so much happiness in this short amount of time. I could live a lifetime of woe, but this wonder could never, never be outweighed by something terrible. I do not know how to explain it, but every second is set with lovely amber and coral... I guess I am just starstruck : P.

The dreamlike touch. I am totally bowled over. I have never met a man who was able to do both things- find me attractive and find my personality attractive. He can play me like a virtuoso with a piano. Such sweet sharp madness, tis the staff of life.

Tis indeed a wonderful, joyous, positive thing...

2011-08-28T12:49:00.003+12:00

Words of honey. How could I resist a guy who always compliments me on the way that I look. He doesn't get annoyed by the way I natter on about random unimportant things. I always thought that I would never ever ever find a guy. like this one. who accepts me for who I am and offers me sanctuary even in the gaze of his eyes.

I feel blessed by heaven.

====

Oh dearie me, the people next door decided to have a massive party last night. I reckon there must have been about 300 people there because the lass who threw the party. advertised it on Facebook. It was pretty rowdy but not too bad- Mike the digger driver was there, and Don (a.k.a Fingers Magee)- these are both huge intimidating men. So there were no problems, everyone is scared of these two guys. Fingers Magee is the one who keeps sexually harassing me. Oh goodness, he will not take no for an answer and whenever he thinks noone is looking I get a really aggressive grab on the boobs or butt. I have told him over and over again that I do not like it at all. I think he has had fair warning.

He's one of those people who intimidates other people with his size and tough-man appearance. I can tell that he is trying to frighten me into submission. However, I am a fire-breathing Aries. My brother taught me how to fight. The next time this creep grabs my butt he'll get more than he expects.

Gorgeousness.

2011-08-27T18:13:00.003+12:00

We sat by the river talking for hours and hours on end. We had each other in fits of laughter, both of us were bubbling with mirth. The most wonderful thing was his arm around me, his lovely steady blue eyes. A face so full of understanding and a mouth framing words of true kindness and gentility.

I am terribly fond of this man. I find everything about him attractive. He's short and pudgy, like me. Glasses, like me. He wears military surplus clothing... like me. In fact he is truly like me in a lot of ways, yet different in a lot of other ways. His manner is in direct contrast to my own; whereas I bubble and natter, he is quiet and peaceful. Such fondness I have for this dude, such fondness as I have never felt before.

The Hitch-hiker.

2011-08-26T15:45:00.004+12:00

I went hitch-hiking today because... well, I like to do it. It's fresh air and exercise while I'm out and about, and I get to meet some really nice people. In addition, it's a free ride to wherever I want to go. I went to Waikari today to stroll around the limestone formations. It's very beautiful out there in a barren, bleak kind of way. Very Emily Bronte.

Naturally, I did not work today.

On my journey TO Waikari I was picked up by a guy in a hotted-up WRX. He drove like hell, and I loved every single minute of it. Unfortunately he was gabbing on his cellphone the whole time so I didn't get to talk to him.

The lady who took me back was German. She had one of the messiest cars I've ever seen, but mine is just as messy. I spoke some German to her and she almost seemed annoyed. There was a total culture clash. Most New Zealanders are like Americans- overly open, friendly- but reserved about certain matters. People from New Zealand often find Europeans unfriendly... which is absolutely not the case. But it still makes me feel a little awkward.

Photos from the Red Zone.

2011-08-26T10:59:00.004+12:00

change that shirt/ on ye.

2011-08-25T19:30:00.003+12:00

I sometimes think my housemate is going to end up on Hoarders... well, maybe if they filmed New Zealanders. No it's not really quite as bad, but I did scratch my head when he turned up tonight with five (empty) hard guitar cases and an old parking meter... Now the parking meter I do like, as it is one of those ones from times of yore. vaguely shaped like a skull on a stick with a little flippy red thing saying "Expired". yah!

Maybe I should use the guitar cases to put my clothes in, just like I do with my old leather suitcases.

============

I may have mentioned it before, if I have, I'm going to mention it again.

A fair few buildings are being knocked down in the city, I think there's 12,000 of them scheduled for demolition. Which sucks, but what are you going to do. However! There's a slight bonus. All of the ancient advertisements and hoardings! once hidden by buildings from human sight. have now come to light. Maybe I should not take so much delight. I think they date from about the 1920s-1980s with every era in between. I hope to get some photographs of them, but unfortunately getting into the center of town is impossible unless you have a good reason for being there. I wish I were a journalist.

Aye!

2011-08-25T17:01:00.002+12:00

I heard about that quake in your area... has the whole world gone mad? My aunties, uncles and grandmother all live in the DC metro area so they all felt it. Hmmm...

it's just one of those things. It happens and you've got to see your way through it. It's like that split second when you crashed your bike as a child when you KNOW it's going to hurt. You endure what happens because really you have no choice!

I am eating Hungarian bottled sour cherries with thick unsweetened yoghurt. So good.

Aaaah.

2011-08-22T17:17:00.004+12:00

I filled in for a biology teacher today. Again. And may I mention that I hate filling in for biology teachers? For some reason they are really disorganized. Digging through about five hundred papers on top of the desk to find the ones I needed... AAGH! Ooooooh and I was told to show DVDs. Which would have been cool but oh no, for some reason a lot of the connecting wires from TV to DVD player were missing. Some kids are more than happy to play games while one sends out emissaries to the AV man. Some immediately seize on the opportunity to cause mayhem. And what really didn't help is the fact that I am keeling over with, um, cramps. yargh. By the end of the day, Miss Clompy was in a foul mood and just about ready to drown herself in her tea thermos.

====

I was brought lunch today by a well meaning individual. But might I mention that colby cheese and mince do NOT make a nice sandwich mix... oh. I just hate colby cheese and I also hate mince. However I have a massive crush on this guy and I didn't want to upset him, so I cheerily ate my sandwiches... the things we do for love.

Five pointer+ edit.

2011-08-21T11:03:00.004+12:00

tother night. I forgot to mention it. I thought the earthquakes had finished but ooooooooh no. And now the Hotel Grand Chancellor is on an even dodgier lean... I take comfort in the fact that the bottom five storeys have been filled with concrete. I wonder how they're going to demolish it?

They are demolishing the historic convent... which breaks my heart. one of the oldest and most beautiful buildings in the city. I saw it last night, the only thing standing being an old oak door poking strangely from the wreckage.

The city is alive with strange insectoid creatures. Diggers like big steel scorpions. Poo trucks like big squat dung beetles. Cranes like... praying mantii? The poo trucks are for the poor unfortunates living in the red zone. those poor buggers are having to share portaloos with their neighbours. I feel MOST sorry for the street whose portaloo was blown over in the storm... hmmm.

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Most people who were killed were killed in the collapse and subsequent inferno in the CTV (Canterbury Television) building. Twas a modern building and many many many are asking why?

turns out they had honeycombed many of the concrete walls with holes preparatory to doing some sort of strengthening... probably with steel poles. The shake just happened to happen at the worst possible time.

Oh as if I want to hang around a couple of old grogans... I just don't have any FOOD IN THE FRIDGE...

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it says fifteen miles to the loooooooove shack!

a few days ago we had snow. now it's so warm and sunny I'm off to the beach... to go swimming in my new boots. I hope noone else is there.

1934 Plymouth.

2011-08-20T14:14:00.002+12:00

I really and truly wish it were mine. Although I hate to think how much it would cost to run.

Getting it off the trailer was interesting... I thought that was really going to end badly. we were lucky that it didn't.

New boots...

2011-08-20T12:25:00.002+12:00

Always such a pain to try and break in. My brother always used to swim in his boots to try and break them in. That may be an option... it may be an especially attractive option today. it is so warm calm and sunny, the beach is just crying out to me.

meanwhile, ow.

Backe tae schoole...

2011-08-18T12:41:00.002+12:00

I really wonder about myself sometimes...

I decided to use a big snowy field to turn my car around in. D'oh! At first I just started sort of floating all over the snow. Then the back wheels became embedded in the ground, I just caused more and more problems as I gunned the accelerator trying to get out. Oh how stupid. I should have realized that was the wrong thing to do. I had to get rescued out of that one. It took forever, but three people managed to get it unstuck...

dang.

manly accidents.

2011-08-16T17:25:00.002+12:00

I don't know if I'm right or not. but as far as I know people it's always been guys. that have blown themselves up with oxyacetylene plants, fallen off 30 metre cliffs, attacked wasp nests with the aforementioned gas gear. squeezed bullets in vices to watch them explode. They gurgle with the memories. "I drove an old Honda Dream up to the top of Mount Herbert." "My brothers and I used to fish with gelignite."

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The roads are pretty gnarly at the moment. Everything is closed, except for the gas station. I just got back from a foray in search of Red Bull. I took my rather primitive little car just so I could have a bit of an adventure. It doesn't have much in the way of creature comforts. Vinyl interior, a lousy heater etc etc... But it has this most wonderful suspension. It's like bouncing on a big spring bed. Plus it has that wonderful seventies-car sound. you know the sound?

Isn't it strange our love for cars. My earliest memories are centered around them. The only one I didn't like was a 1981 Civic that my mum drove... she crashed it, which was an occasion for joy as she wasn't hurt at all but the car was totaled and I never saw it again.

Surreal...

2011-08-16T13:09:00.003+12:00

I was woken up this morning by one of my friends singing "The Internationale" outside my window. Um. She had driven through a snowstorm to buy a baggie of weed. Now that's determination!

The snow has blanketed the entire country. They got snow in Auckland. Now that is quite interesting.

So for various reasons I have had to blunder through the snow a lot. I can't stand to wear my Bundeswehr springer bootsies because they has steel caps. So I'm wearing Docs and they don't really keep out the snow. Me has icy icy cold feetles now...

Snow, snow, snow...

2011-08-15T17:26:00.002+12:00

I live in a part of the country that doesn't get much snow. Many years pass without snow at all. So snow storms are still something quite remarkable to me.

I love the sound of it- you know, you're outside in a quiet field or forest. You can hear the flakes falling around you, the sound so fragile and lovely.

Plus the eerie moaning of the icy wind.

I love winter. And I'm loving this storm. Even though after my short walk I am totally soaked! The snow is alternating with hail and sleet.

A big pile of comic books was received by me the other day. I bought them on Trademe. So really I have the perfect thing to do inside for the next few days of this storm...

my ole man said follow the van...

2011-08-15T13:30:00.002+12:00

I think something happened to it. I leave it open all of the time. I turned it over and yikes... the hard drive cover had been slightly popped out. Did one of my cats jump on it? Was it one of my housemates? Yargh. I have bad luck with things like this because I'm not very good at taking care of things... I love them to death : P.

Oooooh we are having the gnarliest of winter storms. It is FREEZING. hail, snow and ice everywhere and it is meant to go on until Wednesday.

I have had an interesting time trying to stock up on food, cigarettes, gas (for the stove), petrol (for my car), diesel (for the truck!). I did this on my own- was given money and a list of things to get. Whiskey for Christine and Henry. Bread. Potatoes (as we don't have any in the garden at the moment!). I had to do it last night. The school is closed so no work for me... but running around trying to get all of this stuff! I got one of the last loaves of bread, three of the very last bottles of Famous Grouse. I really think I spent most of yesterday in queues. But really it was the best thing for me to do to help these other guys out.

I think Henry has gone insane. He's out there at the moment trying to build a new glasshouse... In the snow. He is covered in it.

I can't get my computer fixed yet but luckily there is another one I can use for a little while... I just can't drive anywhere! the roads are way too dangerous. Although I could probably make it into town with the truck (as it is big and heavy with massive tires) I really don't want to risk anything as I am really not used to driving in snow.

Am making a massive pot full of vegetable/ barley soup... mmm...

Yon Computer Ist Broke.

2011-08-14T11:36:00.003+12:00

Damnation.

I took it into a little independent computer shop. I was SO glad that I brought it there. He somehow managed to get past the login page and somehow looked at how my hard drive is performing. He says it is showing signs of failure. He told me that their shop could retrieve my data but they charge money for it. Showed me how to get into Recovery Manager and back up my data on my newly purchased 1TB portable hard drive.

Fortunately the computer is still under warranty... I can get a new hard drive. but really. why did it suddenly just start to give up the ghost?

So I will be taking it into Harvey Normans when I can... but we are supposed to get three days of howling icy gales and snow. I dont know!!

The technician at the independent computer shop managed to bypass the login page but I'm not so sure of the abilities of Harvey Normans people... I might just have to bite the bullet, buy a new hard drive and put it in myself... The guy at the computer shop showed me how.

I was being really flirtatious, which is probably a bit stupid of me. but the computer guy was cute and had an awesome personality.

I asked him how much I owed him. He said five bucks. I said oh you're being silly. Really, he would only take five bucks. I think I might send him a pizza or a crate of beer as a thank you. "From the lassie in the big green cloak."

My computer is packing a tizz.

2011-08-12T16:51:00.003+12:00

I was NOT able to log on (my password was "not allowed"). after taking out the battery and replacing it, unplugging the power supply etc. solved the problem. although doing an avast system scan is slowing it somewhat. I'm just hoping that none of my cats jumped on it because I'm ALWAYS leaving it open. hmmm : ( please don't die, mister puter!

various musings.

2011-08-12T08:57:00.003+12:00

I'm wondering if that budget-brand thing in Germany still exists... "Ja!" products! I guess I was a little immature because I thought it was funny seeing the word "Ja!" printed on things. Also when I saw my first Sparkasse I thought it looked like "spank-arse" and giggled for a while. I couldn't possibly explain what I thought was so funny...

I remember using "Ja!" brand tissues instead of "Tempo" brand tissues because I thought it was funny...

I also remember discovering those dextrose sugar-energy thingees. I became horribly addicted.

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I don't know... when my computer powers up and says "Loading Windows" or whatever. I think about what I know about the word "window". It was one of the few that we really studied in historical linguistics. Window is an Old Norse portmanteau... "wind ow" meaning "wind eye". when the Norsemen were in England there was no such thing as glass and a window in the wall of your house really would be a wind eye...

"Thing" also comes to us from Old Norse, it used to mean a court of law.

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I have a terrible habit of waking up in the middle of the night starving hungry. I know it can't be good to eat that much at that time of night... but what to do, right? I usually nosh on a big bowl of cereal. However, the other day I thought I would go the Slim-Thin-Zim-Zam-Yay! way and eat those big rice-cake things instead. you know the puffy ones that have like 5 calories each or something?

I ate two whole packets of them last night. I really shouldn't have gotten the sweet-chilli-and-sour-cream flavour because... there was just no stopping me once I got into them. Damnit!

Gnarly.

2011-08-11T19:37:00.002+12:00

There's a cold front heading this way that... well... I am definitely worried about it. Anyone else get sore stiff limbs when cold weather hits? oooh. it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to get up at the arsiest hour of the morning. I don't know. The weather just seems to have gone mental. But maybe spring is on the way, as my hens are laying many more eggs? the birds are also starting to build their nests.

ooooh i'm aching all over : ( but at least I have a good supply of Lindt balls.

Buggery bollocky sleep paralysis!!

2011-08-10T15:41:00.003+12:00

I get trapped in it and it takes me the most tremendous effort to shake it off. This morning I managed to shout loudly enough and got Christine to tug me out of bed. That's the best cure... even though I know what it is now, it still scares me to death!

Mmmmm spinach-and-cream-cheese muffin : P.

Day off...

2011-08-09T10:26:00.003+12:00

Maybe it's a bit stupid to take a day off because I've chipped a tooth, but it really hurts!

I chipped it on all of the dangerous stuff lying around on this property that just becomes invisible in the dark! I managed to collect an I-beam to the mouth.

My beautiful front teeth! which I was always so proud of. Damn this chip. Thank God I have insurance that covers emergency dental work. What will they do to fix it? I shudder to think.

Those socks sound good... I generally have an issue with my socks always falling down and bunching up around my toes. I just really want my army surplus socks again! maybe the store is operating online...

Oh God, yesterday my Mum told me she was going to pick me up from the school... she forgot. So I tried to walk home (it's about 7km, not TOO far)- but far too far in heels! I had to take the heels (and woolen pantyhose) off. I managed to cover quite a good distance but in the end some kind soul gave me a lift!

I'm very much over Earthquake City and I'm currently checking out prices of flights to Wellington... just for a weekend blowout. : P

How utterly wonderful.

2011-08-06T18:51:00.002+12:00

Having the OED at my disposal! It makes me miss linguistics. A major in Linguistics would have been hard for me to achieve. semantics drove me to insanity through all of the rules I had to memorize.

It's been so beautiful with the weather lately. Blue cold skies, the sweetness of a winter sun.

The other night I saw a meteorite fall- close up! it wasn't that close, but it was just a bit smaller than the size of the moon. It hurtled to earth like... that mythological dude that crashed the sun chariot.

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I have insoles but I do not have decent socks! I usually buy my socks from the army surplus store because they work well with my army surplus boots. However, the army surplus store has ceased to exist because of Ye Olde Quake. I've tried to buy socks elsewhere but they are all so crummy. My feet wouldn't get so blistered if only I could find a pair of decent socks!! aaargh.

Long walks.

2011-08-04T17:15:00.003+12:00

I have renewed my old habit of taking long, long walks. They make me feel calm and peaceful, but also a bit melancholy. When I go on these walks I am stirred to reflect.

I actually got up at 5:30 today so I could walk to work. It took me the better part of an hour to get there and I walked back as well. My calves are aching and my feet are sore... but that felt so good! I never imagined I could feel so peaceful and happy.